On seeing that the direct-to-video masterpiece American Psycho 2 is on Netflix insta-watch . . .
Curtis: Wait, what? That can't be right.
Sally: What? What can't be right?
Curtis: American Psycho 2 has Mila Kunis and William Shatner? And it's directed by Morgan J. Freeman?
Sally: Yeah, so?
Curtis: Morgan Freeman directed that?
Sally: That's not the same Morgan Freeman. That's Morgan J. Freeman. Different person.
Curtis: But . . . but still. William Shatner? William Shatner is in a direct-to-video movie?
Sally: Oh yeah. Because William Shatner is such an amazing, discerning, important thespian. I can't believe he'd be in something BAD.
Curtis: Okay, fine. Whatever. But . . . but . . . I mean . . . okay, look. I've got to watch this now.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
NEVER LEAVE AGAIN
Backstory: In June 2010, I went to the ALA conference in DC. I was on the job hunt, I needed to network, and DC was only an 8-hour drive from Columbia. Also, I could see some friends, which was an added bonus.
Everything was fine when I left.
On Things Going to Hell in the Proverbial Handbasket:
RING RING RING
Sally: Hello?
Curtis: Hey, baby!
Sally: Hey! How are things? I miss you!
Curtis: I miss you too. Things aren't going well.
Sally: Oh no! What's wrong?
Curtis: Well, I decided to mow the lawn. And I sprayed gasoline all over myself. And then I went inside and didn't take the shirt off.
Sally: Okay . . .
Curtis: And then I made tuna salad. [see my companion blog for Curtis's definition of "tuna salad."]
Sally: Uh huh.
Curtis: So now the house smells like gasoline, tuna, and onions.
Sally: Ew.
THE NEXT DAY: RING RING RING
Sally: Hey baby!
Curtis: Hey!
Sally: How are things?
Curtis: Bubby and Waffles have turned on Chauncey. I had to split them up.
Sally: What? Oh no!
Curtis: I know. They were all living together, and everything was fine, and then suddenly they attacked Chauncey.
Sally: Aw. He's so fat, he can't defend himself. I'm sorry, baby.
THE NEXT DAY: RING RING RING
Sally: Hey baby!
Curtis: Hey.
Sally: You don't sound good.
Curtis: We have a baby spider infestation. There must be a hundred of them in the tub in the master bath.
Sally: eeep!
Curtis: Yeah, I know. I don't really know what to do.
LATER THAT DAY, I told a fellow liberrian at the ALA conference what was going on.
Sally: I'm seriously never leaving home again.
Fellow Liberrian: Maybe he could set his gasoline-soaked shirt on fire and throw it in on the baby spiders. It would get rid of two problems. And the smell of tuna and onions would be overcome by the smell of burning fabric and baby spiders.
Sally: That's a good idea, but I have this vision of a hundred flaming baby spiders scurrying all over the house. And burning it down.
Fellow Liberrian: Yeah, probably not a good idea.
Sally: I'm definitely not telling my husband about your idea.
Fellow Liberrian: I wouldn't.
Everything was fine when I left.
On Things Going to Hell in the Proverbial Handbasket:
RING RING RING
Sally: Hello?
Curtis: Hey, baby!
Sally: Hey! How are things? I miss you!
Curtis: I miss you too. Things aren't going well.
Sally: Oh no! What's wrong?
Curtis: Well, I decided to mow the lawn. And I sprayed gasoline all over myself. And then I went inside and didn't take the shirt off.
Sally: Okay . . .
Curtis: And then I made tuna salad. [see my companion blog for Curtis's definition of "tuna salad."]
Sally: Uh huh.
Curtis: So now the house smells like gasoline, tuna, and onions.
Sally: Ew.
THE NEXT DAY: RING RING RING
Sally: Hey baby!
Curtis: Hey!
Sally: How are things?
Curtis: Bubby and Waffles have turned on Chauncey. I had to split them up.
Sally: What? Oh no!
Curtis: I know. They were all living together, and everything was fine, and then suddenly they attacked Chauncey.
Sally: Aw. He's so fat, he can't defend himself. I'm sorry, baby.
THE NEXT DAY: RING RING RING
Sally: Hey baby!
Curtis: Hey.
Sally: You don't sound good.
Curtis: We have a baby spider infestation. There must be a hundred of them in the tub in the master bath.
Sally: eeep!
Curtis: Yeah, I know. I don't really know what to do.
LATER THAT DAY, I told a fellow liberrian at the ALA conference what was going on.
Sally: I'm seriously never leaving home again.
Fellow Liberrian: Maybe he could set his gasoline-soaked shirt on fire and throw it in on the baby spiders. It would get rid of two problems. And the smell of tuna and onions would be overcome by the smell of burning fabric and baby spiders.
Sally: That's a good idea, but I have this vision of a hundred flaming baby spiders scurrying all over the house. And burning it down.
Fellow Liberrian: Yeah, probably not a good idea.
Sally: I'm definitely not telling my husband about your idea.
Fellow Liberrian: I wouldn't.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
