On making mint juleps . . .
Sally: Do we have any bourbon?
Curtis: No, do you want me to go buy some?
Sally: Yeah, I need it for mint juleps.
Curtis: What kind? Jim Beam? Jack Daniels? Maker's Mark? Evan Williams?
Sally: Shit, I don't know. I don't know anything about bourbon. Just go buy it.
Curtis: Okay.
Sally: But make sure it's from Kentucky.
Curtis: I think all bourbon is from Kentucky.
Sally: I don't think that's true.
Curtis: Well, then, where's it from?
Sally: I don't know. Look, just go buy it.
Curtis: Okay.
Sally: If one of them has a horse on the label, buy that. That seems festive and appropriate.
Curtis: Got it. Kentucky-based corn squeezins with a picture of a pony on it. Will do.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Meep
On the subject of Mother's Day, as we write out cards for family members . . .
Curtis: I'm really sorry your mom's not here for us to celebrate Mother's Day with her. I loved her so much, and I'm so sad she's gone. But you have so much of her in you, that she'll always be alive.
Hugs, tears, and meeping ensue.
Curtis: I'm really sorry your mom's not here for us to celebrate Mother's Day with her. I loved her so much, and I'm so sad she's gone. But you have so much of her in you, that she'll always be alive.
Hugs, tears, and meeping ensue.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
They're everywhere! They're everywhere!
On meeting Curtises from around the globe . . .
Sally: So I met the Malaysian Curtis today.
Curtis: So there's a Mexican Curtis AND a Malaysian Curtis? Interesting.
Sally: I know. It was weird. He looks just like you.
Curtis: Don't have sex with him.
Sally: I'll try. No promises.
Curtis: Well, as long as you try.
Sally: So I met the Malaysian Curtis today.
Curtis: So there's a Mexican Curtis AND a Malaysian Curtis? Interesting.
Sally: I know. It was weird. He looks just like you.
Curtis: Don't have sex with him.
Sally: I'll try. No promises.
Curtis: Well, as long as you try.
Curtis is looking into other options for his commute
On advertising that matters:
Curtis: That was the second straight commercial with a donkey in it.
Sally: Oh yeah?
Curtis: Yeah. They're really selling donkeys hard. They're about to roll out the 2011 models. You need to buy your donkey now, while the prices are low.
Sally: Okay.
Curtis: I'm going outside for a second. Let me know if there are any more donkey commercials.
Curtis: That was the second straight commercial with a donkey in it.
Sally: Oh yeah?
Curtis: Yeah. They're really selling donkeys hard. They're about to roll out the 2011 models. You need to buy your donkey now, while the prices are low.
Sally: Okay.
Curtis: I'm going outside for a second. Let me know if there are any more donkey commercials.
He can pretend it isn't happening for NINE WHOLE MONTHS.
On my love for the terrible show 16 and Pregnant . . .
Moron on Show: Well, you know what they say: a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant. A man becomes a father when he sees the baby the first time.
Sally: God, I hate that saying. I really hate it. That is seriously the stupidest saying.
Curtis: (levels his gaze at me) EVERYTHING. About this show. Is stupid.
Moron on Show: Well, you know what they say: a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant. A man becomes a father when he sees the baby the first time.
Sally: God, I hate that saying. I really hate it. That is seriously the stupidest saying.
Curtis: (levels his gaze at me) EVERYTHING. About this show. Is stupid.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wasn't this a movie in the 80s?
On watching True Crime shows, in which people find dead bodies . . .
Sally: What would you do if you were out in the woods, and you found a dead body?
Curtis: I don't know. I guess I'd call someone.
Sally: I'd poke it with a stick.
Curtis: Well, OBVIOUSLY. The calling happens after the poking.
Sally: What would you do if you were out in the woods, and you found a dead body?
Curtis: I don't know. I guess I'd call someone.
Sally: I'd poke it with a stick.
Curtis: Well, OBVIOUSLY. The calling happens after the poking.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Women generally live longer
On the lifetimes of men and women . . .
Sally: I don't know why, but the other day I thought of you dying. I thought about how awful it would be, and how empty my life would be once you were gone. I would be absolutely heartbroken, and I don't know how I'd go on without you. I can see why, sometimes, when one spouse dies, the other dies not long after.
Curtis: Yeah, it would be sad.
Sally: Do you think about that? About me dying, I mean?
Curtis: No, I don't need to think about it. I'll be dead first.
Sally: You don't know that.
Curtis: Sure I do. I'm stupid. I'll fall into a vat of acid long before you croak out.
Sally: I don't know why, but the other day I thought of you dying. I thought about how awful it would be, and how empty my life would be once you were gone. I would be absolutely heartbroken, and I don't know how I'd go on without you. I can see why, sometimes, when one spouse dies, the other dies not long after.
Curtis: Yeah, it would be sad.
Sally: Do you think about that? About me dying, I mean?
Curtis: No, I don't need to think about it. I'll be dead first.
Sally: You don't know that.
Curtis: Sure I do. I'm stupid. I'll fall into a vat of acid long before you croak out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
