Ah-woooooooooooo

On the topic of insane Native American stereotypes . . .

Curtis: This guy I know [who is also Native], his son sends me messages on Facebook. But we're not friends. I don't know how it works, we just communicate somehow.

Sally: Is it telepathically? Do you communicate through your minds?

Curtis: Yes. Because we're Indians, and all Indians are magic. 

Sally: Ah. 

Curtis: Our wolves talk to each other.

Sally: Through wolfogram?

Curtis: No, our wolves have Facebook pages, and they read our thoughts, and then they talk to each other about what we're thinking and send messages to each other on Facebook. And then they tell us what the other person is thinking. 

Sally: Do you get messages from my wolf?

Curtis: No, you're not Native American.

Sally: My great-great grandmother was a full-blooded Cherokee princess.

Curtis: Of course she was.

Sally: Can I have a wolf now?  

Curtis: No. 

We all have our nerdiness.

Curtis found this meme and posted it on his Facebook page, and I commented. And no one said anything until I mentioned it. (Yes, I'm that person.)

Sally: I can't believe no one got my Judy Blume shout-out. 

Curtis: What are you talking about?

Sally: What I said about the This Is Dog meme. No one said anything.

Curtis: About what?

Sally: Okay, there's this book by Judy Blume called Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret. So I turned it around and said "Are you there, Dog? It's me, Teragram."

Curtis: That's not funny.

Sally: Yes it is.

Curtis: And who the hell is Judy Blume? Did she write Where the Sidewalk Ends?

Sally: No, that's Shel Silverstein.

Curtis: God. Of course you'd know that. Nerd. Book-loving librarian nerd. NERD. 

Even worse

On the topic of people in movies that we don't know and will never meet:

Sally: How do you feel about Mark Wahlberg?

Curtis: I don't like him. He beat some kid half to death.

Sally: Is he worse than Hitler? [shout-out to one of my favorite Simpsons lines]

Curtis: Of course he's worse than Hitler. He's Marky Mark.

Sally: Marky Mark is worse than Hitler?

Curtis: Do you remember "Good Vibrations?" . . . All right then.

My husband, the sports fanatic.

On going to his first VT game . . .

Sally: Are you excited about this weekend?

Curtis: Yes.

Sally: Come on.

Curtis: I am!

Sally: What are you most excited about?

Curtis: The game.

Sally: You are not. What are you really excited about? Seriously.

Curtis: The turkey legs, okay? I'm most excited about the turkey legs. I've been thinking about them a lot, and I've been envisioning myself eating them.

Sally: If you want to get one when we first get there, and another one at halftime, you can.

Curtis: I wasn't aware that there was another plan in place.


On a related note:

Yeah, we're just that crazy. We eat our own mascot.

Oh no, Hokie Bird! Run! Curtis is coming, and he's been thinking of your delicious, delicious legs all week!

Hokie Bird says, "I've been working out. I can take him."

Video punched my wife in the face

On the subject of video game violence . . .

Sally: I'm going to punch you.

Curtis: I'm going to take you out and street fight you.

Sally: What's that like? Is it different from regular fighting? Or is it just regular fighting, but out in the street?

Curtis: No. It's like the video game. Street Fighter.

Sally: So, is someone going to come out and yell "FINISH HIM?"

Curtis: (disgusted) No, that's Mortal Kombat, stupid. God.

Curtis and I need to buy matching red codpieces!

On the subject of how one is, via Google Chat:

Sally: What up, yo?

Curtis: Word up. It's the code word.

Sally: No matter how you say it

Curtis: You know that you'll be heard.

Sally: Now all the super DJs . . .

Live Long and Prosper

Curtis loves Star Trek; I never got into it. I'm a Star Wars nerd. Just to illustrate what level of Trekkie I am:

1) I loved the most recent movie. I called it "thrilling," "fun," and "exciting!" Trekkies everywhere winced. Curtis, when asked, pronounced it "serviceable."

2) There's one movie I really like. It's the one with the Borg Queen. I have to ask Curtis every time which one it is. I always think it's Nemesis. I'm always wrong. He always tells me what it is. It's like I have a mental block, the same one I have with this one line in L.A. Confidential.

3) I watch the Tribble episode because they're cute. I fast forward through all the dialogue until I get to a particularly cute scene, and can't understand why they don't just let them take over.

We've been watching a lot of Voyager lately. I don't think these are optimum conditions for my Trekkie husband, really, as conversations like these occur routinely:

On That Thing on Her Face
Sally: What's wrong with her eye?

Curtis: She used to be a borg.

Sally: I know, but what's that thing? Why is that thing next to her eye?

Curtis: They had to remove all of her [some unintelligible technobabble].

Sally: But they left that.

Curtis: I guess they couldn't remove it.

Sally: They can make her hair grow back, but they can't take a thing off her face?


Curtis: I don't know. I guess I just don't know my Borg technology that well.


Sally: Can you look that up?

On Vulcans
Sally: So, wait, they have to have a Vulcan on every ship?

Curtis: I don't think they have to, but I think it's customary. Like you have to have a cat on every ship?

Sally: So, Vulcans are the cats of the future?

More on That Borg Girl
Trek Person to Borg Girl, on this one episode: You stay here with [terrified person] while we look around.

Sally: Why would they ever leave her with anyone? She's awful.

Curtis: Her soothing robotic tones ease the mind.

Sally: Ugh.

Curtis: What's worse is that the last three seasons, she was basically the focus of every episode.

Sally: Why?

Curtis: The nerds demanded it.

Sally: Nerds love boobs.

On Diversity
Sally: Did you ever watch Kids in the Hall?

Curtis: Yeah, he looks like that one guy.

Sally: Is that him?
Curtis: I don't know.

Sally: Has there ever been a gay character on any of the shows?

Curtis: You know, I don't think so. And there's some discussion about including a gay character in upcoming movies.

Sally: Huh. [pause] You know, when I asked that, of course I wasn't thinking of Patrick Stewart or George Takei.

Curtis: They're not characters.

Sally: Shut it.