Small Interludes

Some of the most memorable conversations I've ever had occurred between me and my best friend, Jim Small. I was reminded of one tonight, so I'm starting a new special episode: Small Interludes.

Jim and I have many, many hours and years of conversation. There are the heartfelt conversations, the bitchfests, the arguments, the come-to-Jesuses, the Simpsons quote marathons, the Joan quotes (Curtis' very least favorite form of our shared communication, as we become quite loud), the TRL Whoo!, and, of course, No Pronouns.

I don't remember how No Pronouns came about, but at some point, he and I decided we were were going to talk to one another without using pronouns at all. This tortured form of conversation always concerns something inane, and it only goes on for a few sentences at a time, because it's really hard to keep it up for any extended period.

It goes something like this:

Sally: Would Jim Small like to go to the store with Sally Evans?

Jim: Jim Small would like that. Would Sally Evans like to pick Jim Small up?

Sally: Sally Evans can do that. What time would Jim Small like to go?

Jim: Does Sally Evans have an estimated departure time?

Sally: Sally Evans does not. Sally Evans can leave whenever Jim Small would like to. Would Jim Small also like to get something to eat while Jim Small and Sally Evans are out?

Jim: Jim Small would like that.

And so on, until we become weary of trying to keep up with all the pronouns.

TRL Whoo! is not something that can easily be explained, or illustrated in a blog. It was inspired by a Robot Chicken episode, and it consists of saying the last few things you did in a fast and hysterical fashion; then, at the end, you always shriek "Whooo!". Like so:

"OhmygodtodayItotallywenttoworkanddidabunchofstuffandthenIatelunchwithBobandthenIcamehomeand WHOOOOO!"

Finally, there is the String of Mommie Dearest Quotes, which frequently happen (usually with the help of Rhett Anders). We all say certain quotes, and Curtis HATES THIS. I mean HATES.

Rhett goes with either "Tina, get out of that bed" or "I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna knock down that bitch of a retaining wall, and put a window where a window oughta be."

Jim always favors "Tinaaaaaa! BRING ME THE AXE!" or "You . . . will give me . . . the respect . . . that I am entitled to!"

And, of course, I love the speech she gives at the Pepsi Board of Directors meeting. Because, as we all know: this ain't my first time at the rodeo.